That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
