I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
