Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And my parents said I crawled through the house
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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