At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
