I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
