I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
