He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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