I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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