I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
