I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
