she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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