The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
