Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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