I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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