I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
