So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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