allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
