I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
