i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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