When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
