batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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