if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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