just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
