Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
