I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
