All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
