I cockslap morals
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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