My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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