I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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