he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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