Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
