your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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