does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
