question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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