I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
