so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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