You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
