Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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