I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
