Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
