my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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