I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
