And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
