We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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