Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
