My underwear smells like fireworks.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Are we still banned from the library?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
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