i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
