Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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