I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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