Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
