I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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