wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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