Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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